“Imagine you’re at a party. A guy offers you a drink. You say no. He says “Come on, one drink!” You say “no thanks.” Later, he brings you a soda. “I know you said you didn’t want a drink, but I was getting one for myself and you looked thirsty.” For you to refuse at this point makes you the asshole. He’s just being nice, right? Predators use the social contract and our own good hearts and fear of being rude against us. If you drink the drink, you’re teaching him that it just takes a little persistence on his part to overcome your “no.” If you say “Really, I appreciate it, but no thanks” and put the drink down and walk away from it, you’re the one who looks rude in that moment. But the fact is, you didn’t ask for the drink and you don’t want the drink and you don’t have to drink it just to make some guy feel validated.”—
Gotta second that book recommendation for “The Gift of Fear” - I know the title sounds ick, but it’s really good.
I was just thinking about how I have dealt repeatedly with Creepers, guys who probably think of themselves as Nice Guys who have kind of followed me around being creepy. There was one in college who played in the symphony with me and would stare at me continuously - and our rehearsals were hours long, so this was really uncomfortable. And then he started showing up at my dorm. He would pretend (I later learned) to know someone else there but it was really an excuse to creep on me. He’d sit around just outside my door, or come to our parties and study groups - not doing anything against the rules, just showing up and staring at me.
The thing about Creepers is that they never give you a chance to say No, because they never ask. They’re just there. All the time. They never actually flirt or ask you out or hit on you, because you might tell them to go away. So now any change in the situation is on you, and if you just go up to them and tell them to buzz off, you’re The Bitch. He wasn’t doing anything! That was just rude! He never even hit on you or anything! And because we’re socialized to be polite, we probably won’t do this, and now this guy can creep to his heart’s content and imagine that one day you’ll give in and fall into his creepy arms.
And I guarantee you, when they see you with some other person (like the creeper who worked at my last job who passed me and my fella in the hall) and they get that downcast look like they’ve been personally rejected, they are going to their friends and moaning: why didn’t you like him, he’s such a Nice Guy, you must only like assholes, why are women such idiots?
The thing about getting older is you don’t care if you’re The Bitch. Now I would just tell them to stop staring at me, you’re creeping me out.
*when i don’t have a fear, however rational or irrational, that my safety might be compromised, which i recognize is often related to not being on the receiving end of racism (the word privilege in this case sounded too weak, i dunno) and also even in my life situational — i’m not gonna pull that walking home alone at night, even if i don’t think there would be a significant chance the guy would try to hurt me, because, well, that perpetual what if is always there (more so for women of color than for white women including me obvs). BUT in situations i don’t feel that worry, omg, it’s so much fun.
“I’m perfectly fine with a girl who wants to be free, but free from what? This spoiled little rich girl offers no alternative. She doesn’t have another option for her parents, such as maybe the butcher’s son who could prove himself. What does she want to be free to do? Ride around on her horse and shoot arrows at trees? Climb waterfalls? Couldn’t she still do that? There needs to be a much stronger motivation for her temper tantrum than what is provided.”—
“Being forced to marry someone isn’t so bad. Unless you’ve got something better to do, might as well enjoy it. And surely medieval princesses who were married off were able to ride around shooting things and wander in the woods alone to climb waterfalls and shizz, right?”
“Ladies, you can only escape from forcible matrimony if you’re able to give me a five-point plan for what career path you’d like to take, because while I can imagine the son of a butcher being able to ‘prove his mettle, whatever the hell that means, I literally cannot imagine what a young woman could possibly do with her life. Do women even have mettle?”
This Internet Dude With An Opinion legit wants this movie to prove to him that there’s something worthwhile Merida can do outside of beingcoerced into doing all kinds of things you don’t want to do within the context of arranged marriage? That is some heavy fucking subtext to think about here, Movie Surfer.
Maybe she wants to be a fucking carpenter, I dunno. Get off a girl’s back and stop calling her spoiled, bro. You’ve got electricity and a dumb blog. She craps into a river and has parents willing to marry her off to some dumb teenager on the basis of his aim. What are you even gauging ‘spoiled’ by?
Look, I haven’t even seen the movie yet, but I have a lot of opinions about stupid arguments.
A Little girl, 3 yrs. old picked up by a man driving a gray car, license plate: Quebec 72B 381. Canada. Reblog this. It could save her. The Kidnapping is recent so do it, 3 seconds will not kill you. If it were your child.